Monday, April 23, 2012

Question about smiling

Hello everyone! I leave for Paris on Sept. 19!! This is my first trip, and I am beyond excited! I am trying to prepare myself with French history, geography, etc. One thing I keep reading is smiling can be considered flirty, or too familiar. I would love to get TA%26#39;s opinion on this. I tend to smile easily, and don%26#39;t want to offend or be taken the wrong way.





Thanks in advance!!!




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People will not be offended if you smile for no visible reason but they might wonder why? Kind of like when someone laughs for no apparent reason.



As for flirting, if you make eye contact and smile for no reason someone might get the wrong idea.




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Thank you for the response!





For some reason this has me worried! LOL I was in Nice last year and did fine, but I%26#39;m sure that%26#39;s quite different than Paris. I%26#39;ll observe others, and try to do likewise! I tend to be very friendly, and might need to tone that down! *blush*




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Yup, smile with eye contact is a come on. Last week it happened to me at the cafe du theatre. The man was a famous french stage actor. I slipped into yank mode at some point and smiled his way and the next thing I know he was trying to chat me up. I think the fact that he%26#39;d just finished talking about his summer hols with his wife is what turned me off!




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Seriously? Don%26#39;t people just smile when they%26#39;re happy? I can%26#39;t imagine being on vacation without a smile on my face! I could actually offend someone by smiling at them? This disturbs me a LOT!




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Some nationalities just smile more. It doesn%26#39;t mean they are any happier/ unhappier, it%26#39;s just a cultural thing. Europeans generally make less eye contact than you might be used to- nothing dreadful is going to happen so please don%26#39;t worry about it.




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I swear to God, my week in Paris is so much more nerve wracking than my week in Rome. (We%26#39;re doing a 2-week vacation in April.) Rome doesn%26#39;t worry me at all, perhaps because I hope to have a working knowlege of the language by then, but I%26#39;m very worried about offending people in Paris. I won%26#39;t speak more than a word or two of the language, I%26#39;m obviously a tourist, I%26#39;m worried my husband will talk to loud or we%26#39;ll do something considered %26quot;rude%26quot; and now I%26#39;m worried about being too friendly. I really didn%26#39;t think it was possible to find more to worry about.




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Relax! The Parisians are used to tourists and really, we are so busy with our own lives that we hardly even notice you. The ones to look out for are your fellow tourists. They%26#39;re the one%26#39;s who will comment if you%26#39;re not dressed to their standards, or speak too loudly.



In fact, I%26#39;ve only ever been told off twice in this city. 1) a US woman who felt I read too loudly to my kids on a bus (you try reading quietly on a bus) 2) a US woman who though I shouldn%26#39;t be touching the statuary in the Louvre. We were in the touching gallery set up specially for the vision impaired!



The French are very live and let live. We call it Laissez-faire.




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Smiling is not at all a problem unless you have a %26quot;come hither%26quot; smile.




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Vega Belle, Lilion, just relax, nothing life threatening! True Parisians don%26#39;t smile a lot, like big city people worldwide, or maybe a little less! New Yorkers aren%26#39;t too far behind?



They%26#39;ll identify you as a tourist immediately, and as someone else posted at worse they will wonder why you are smiling for no apparent reason.



Just be natural and all will be fine. You certainly will not offend anyone.



The French are quite private and in the extreme form individualistic, so sometimes the reaction to random acts of kindness is %26quot;qu%26#39;est-ce qu%26#39;il me veut celui-la?%26quot; meaning %26quot;what does this one want from me?%26quot;. Just cultural differences. Navigating both cultures I have drummed up my own wacky theories on many of these differences. In this particular case, you must remember that under the monarchy, French society had what was called %26quot;Les Privileges%26quot;. Even though they were mostly for nobility, all aspired to them. Those who had them, did their best to hide the fact and protect that privilege from others so they would not benefit directly or indirectly. Those who came to the US first had none in a more general sense and basic survival in such a big country where you probably knew no one was to make contact (smile!)asap and share %26quot;the wealth%26quot; to survive. That%26#39;s just my view.




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I am a big, midwestern, farm girl - okay, woman - hardly a girl any longer. Few people would confuse me with being anything else. (No, I%26#39;m not a hick. Actually, I%26#39;m a lawyer and live in the state capital, but when you consider our state capital has a population of about 41,000, it%26#39;s hardly the big apple.)





So since I%26#39;ll obviously be a tourist, hopefully they%26#39;ll think I%26#39;m smiling because I%26#39;m happy to be in Paris. Which will be true.

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